2-one

Saturday, August 27, 2005

CHUCKY'S ASSIGNMENT

oops forgot that there is home econs the felt fabric sewing thing to be done also.

[a oner spoke] | 4:59 PM |

HOW MUCH WILL U GET FOR YOUR MATH NEXT TERM?

o well heres a simple quiz to determine how much u'll get for ur next common test. we dun guarantee it would work, but then again who knows? besides all u need is 2 mins.

CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL

MATH TERM 4 COMMON TEST

SECONDARY 2

Name:__________ ( ) Marks:___/100
Class: Sec 2/______
Date: 27 August 2005 Time: 2 minutes Parent's Signature:

1) What is Math to u?
a) My life
b) Another subject
c) Math? *raises eyebrow
d) Wait lemme finish scrubbing this toiletbowl 1st

2) What is our Math teacher's first name?
a) Lucy
b) Lourine
c) Lawrence
d) Loompa

3) You intend to be a....
a) Astrologer
b) Waiter
c) Accountant
d) Pimp

4) When you are bored, you
a) Pick your nose
b) Scribble away formulas
c) Change your underpants
d) Pray to Sungod

5) What do you scream when in arousement?
a) Oooo... I ain't gonna shit no more!
b) Ai Caramba!
c) According to the 3rd law of motion in Physics.....
d) 2..AH!..plus..WOAH!... 2..... OW!....equals...YEOW!... two!

6) What do you do during Math lessons?
a) Listen. Write notes. Listen. Write notes. Listen. Ask question. Listen. Practise.
b) OI WHO CREATE AH?!
c) Eat.
d) Shit man what he talking about

7) The publisher of New Syllabus Mathematics 2 is....
a) Penguin Books
b) Marvel
c) Shinglee
d) Okamoto

8) The first thing you do in the morning is to...
a) slam down the snooze button
b) look forward to Math period and stay sulky if there isn't any.
c) wake up.
d) "WHAT THE HELL. TODAY GOT SCHOOL AH!"

9) How much did you get for Math this term?
a) 0-25
b) 26-50
c) 51-75
d) 76-100

10) How much do you think you will get for Math next term?
a) Math? Im dropping it.
b) 26-50
c) 51-75
d) 76-100

--------End of Paper---------

THE RESULTS!

1) What is Math to u?
a) My life (10 marks)
b) Another subject (3)
c) Math? *raises eyebrow (0)
d) Wait lemme finish scrubbing this toiletbowl 1st (9. sympathy marks)

2) What is our Math teacher's first name?
a) Lucy (2)
b) Lourine (0)
c) Lawrence (10)
d) Loompa (3)

3) You intend to be a....
a) Astrologer (4)
b) Waiter (1)
c) Accountant (10)
d) Pimp (9 we admire ur guts)

4) When you are bored, you
a) Pick your nose (9. that is just gross. o well but we all do it.)
b) Scribble away formulas (10)
c) Change your underpants (0. ?!)
d) Pray to Sungod (0. Weirdo.)

5) What do you scream when in arousement?
a) Oooo... I ain't gonna shit no more! (0. we do not promote homosexuality, much less anal sex)
b) Ai Caramba! (2)
c) According to the 3rd law of motion in Physics..... (10)
d) 2..AH!..plus..WOAH!... 2..... OW!....equals...YEOW!... two! (2)

6) What do you do during Math lessons?
a) Listen. Write notes. Listen. Write notes. Listen. Ask question. Listen. Practise. (10)
b) OI WHO CREATE AH?! (9. sympathy marks)
c) Eat. (0. 2 if u gimme half of that noodles)
d) Shit man what he talking about (9. at least u bother to enquire)

7) The publisher of New Syllabus Mathematics 2 is....
a) Penguin Books (0)
b) Marvel (0)
c) Shinglee (10)
d) Okamoto (0.damn u sure r distorted.)

8) The first thing you do in the morning is to...
a) slam down the snooze button (0.)
b) look forward to Math period and stay sulky if there isn't any. (10)
c) wake up. (5)
d) "WHAT THE HELL. TODAY GOT SCHOOL AH!" (3. at least u noe theres sch)

9) How much did you get for Math this term?
a) 0-25 (10. sympathy marks)
b) 26-50 (0)
c) 51-75 (4)
d) 76-100 (0. not enough marks isit ruixian)

10) How much do you think you will get for Math next term?
a) Math? Im dropping it. (10. farewell marks. swet adieu.)
b) 26-50 (2)
c) 51-75 (4)
d) 76-100 (0)

alright. go calculate ur marks n do your corrections.

[a oner spoke] | 3:54 PM |

MUST LOVE DOGS

alright this movie is basically about this 40+ woman who desperately seeks love.

1) for the JunFas and Zhiweis

- nope. no violence at all. zero. kosong.

wwe-o-meter:0/10

2) for the Johns and the Daniels

-haha a few scenes la. well after their erm second date right, and this sarah and jake were making out and wanted to ahem la. then they had no condoms. so they had to drive around looking for condoms but when they finally found some sarah was no longer horny.

lilapril-o-meter: 6/10

3) for the Chongtees and Kimyongs

- o well its kinda funny here n there but i guess the humour is like more directed towards older people. like say mr san. k la maybe not so old.

russellpeter-o-meter: 5/10

4) for the Zhengjuns and Dariuses

-action?...... no la not really guess the most exciting part was when they went around driving around lookin for condoms.

bond-o-meter: 2/10

5) for the Nicholases and Ruixians

-alright storyline. ok la. understandable but rather boring.

Shakespeare-o-meter: 6/10

conclusion:
very average movie la and deals with stuff that us testosteronally charged teens dun understand. well i found it damn boring.

overall: 4/10

our advice to u: dont watch it

[a oner spoke] | 3:36 PM |

REJOICE!

yay the common tests are over! hail the incoming holidays..........

[a oner spoke] | 2:45 PM |

STUFF THAT RUINS OUR TRANQUIL LIVES

1) chinese compo if u havent finished
2) maths the whole of ex13b and the 1st 2 questions of ex13c frm handouts (killer man)
3) pw report? haha
4) edusave consent form
5) 10 dollars

[a oner spoke] | 2:39 PM |

Thursday, August 18, 2005

LATEST TECHNOLOGY BREAKTHROUGH AT TWONER

we at twoner have discovered a technology that may well be very vital in this century of IT. this technology makes use of satellites and GPS (Global Positioning System). What it does is to capture your image without any camera or lenses of any kind, but through the very computer screen itself. we call this breathrough technology Screen Capturing via Global Positioning System, SCvGPS for short. Since you have somehow made your way to this blog and is one of the exculsive few to have heard of this secret technology, we shall give you the opportunity to have a free sample of SCvGPS technology.

Your free sample:

Here is the procedure to take for the free sample.

1) Move about 1 to 2 metres away from the computer screen.
2) Make sure you have your eyes at screen level.
3) Smile, then click the "Capture" button.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

4) Now that you have clicked on the "Capture" button, the SCvGPS system will now locate your position via satellite. This may take a while.

LOCATING.

LOCATING..

LOCATING...

LOCATING....

LOCATING.....

LOCATING......

LOCATING.......

LOCATING........

LOCATING.........

LOCATING..........

LOCATING...........

LOCATING............

LOCATING.............

LOCATING..............

LOCATING...............

LOCATING................

LOCATING.................

LOCATING..................

LOCATING...................

LOCATING....................

LOCATING.....................

LOCATING......................

LOCATING.......................

LOCATING........................

LOCATING.........................

LOCATING..........................

LOCATING...........................

LOCATING............................

LOCATING.............................

LOCATING..............................

LOCATING...............................

LOCATING................................

LOCATING.................................

LOCATING..................................

LOCATING...................................

LOCATING....................................

LOCATING.....................................

LOCATING......................................

LOCATING.......................................

LOCATING........................................

LOCATING.........................................

LOCATING..........................................

LOCATING...........................................

LOCATING............................................

LOCATING.............................................

LOCATING..............................................

LOCATING...............................................

LOCATING................................................

LOCATING.................................................

LOCATING..................................................

LOCATING...................................................

LOCATING....................................................

LOCATING.....................................................

LOCATED\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
5) Now that we have located you via SCvGPS, we shall now use our secret technology to capture of your image. Stay there! Don't move!

CAPTURING
IMAGE.

CAPTURING
IMAGE..

CAPTURING
IMAGE...

CAPTURING
IMAGE....

CAPTURING
IMAGE.....

CAPTURING
IMAGE......

CAPTURING
IMAGE.......

CAPTURING
IMAGE........

CAPTURING
IMAGE.........

CAPTURING
IMAGE..........

CAPTURING
IMAGE...........

CAPTURING
IMAGE............

CAPTURING
IMAGE.............

CAPTURING
IMAGE..............

CAPTURING
IMAGE...............

CAPTURING
IMAGE................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.................

CAPTURING
IMAGE..................

CAPTURING
IMAGE...................

CAPTURING
IMAGE....................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.....................

CAPTURING
IMAGE......................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.......................

CAPTURING
IMAGE........................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.........................

CAPTURING
IMAGE..........................

CAPTURING
IMAGE...........................

CAPTURING
IMAGE............................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.............................

CAPTURING
IMAGE..............................

CAPTURING
IMAGE...............................

CAPTURING
IMAGE................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE..................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE...................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE....................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.....................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE......................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.......................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE........................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.........................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE..........................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE...........................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE............................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE.............................................

CAPTURING
IMAGE..............................................

IMAGE CAPTURED\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

6) Now that we have captured your image, its time to process it with our super advanced processors. This may take a while too.

PROCESSING
IMAGE.

PROCESSING
IMAGE..

PROCESSING
IMAGE...

PROCESSING
IMAGE....

PROCESSING
IMAGE.....

PROCESSING
IMAGE......

PROCESSING
IMAGE.......

PROCESSING
IMAGE........

PROCESSING
IMAGE.........

PROCESSING
IMAGE..........

PROCESSING
IMAGE...........

PROCESSING
IMAGE............

PROCESSING
IMAGE.............

PROCESSING
IMAGE..............

PROCESSING
IMAGE...............

PROCESSING
IMAGE................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.................

PROCESSING
IMAGE..................

PROCESSING
IMAGE...................

PROCESSING
IMAGE....................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.....................

PROCESSING
IMAGE......................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.......................

PROCESSING
IMAGE........................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.........................

PROCESSING
IMAGE..........................

PROCESSING
IMAGE...........................

PROCESSING
IMAGE............................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.............................

PROCESSING
IMAGE..............................

PROCESSING
IMAGE...............................

PROCESSING
IMAGE................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE..................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE...................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE....................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.....................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE......................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.......................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE........................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.........................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE..........................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE...........................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE............................................

PROCESSING
IMAGE.............................................

IMAGE PROCESSED\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

7) It's done and ready for collection! That was easy wasn't it?

COLLECT YOUR PICTURE HERE

[a oner spoke] | 12:12 PM |

SPELLS WE'RE SURE YOU'D LOVE.

Harry Potter gave us lots of spells. From Accio to Winguardium Leviosa, these spells served all kinds of purposes, whether they were used for washing the dishes or murdering someone. Well, JK Rowling created allt hese bogus spells, and we thought we'd have a try too. Read on, oh unenlightened budding wizards.

Freeus Imideiotli
-Causes any period to instantly become a free period.

Wiwunt Er Cheoticher
-Causes any teacher during the period to change into a Ms Universe finalist. And we mean ANY teacher. (yes even david)

Streep Een Fruntuffus
-Causes the victim to do the full monty. Especially useful during biology.( not that we would want to c sebby nude though)

Sparsemed Keemmifeengurs
-Causes the fingers of the victim to twitch uncontrollably.

Unloktislok
-Makes any lock spring open at once.

Cleeeen Ub Deeklazzruum
-Causes the classroom to become sparkling clean.

Mekemi Torp Frag
-Causes the user to instantly become the top frag in any game.

Blustdis Teechur Outtahere
-Blasts the victim (usually a teacher) with tremendous force out of a room.

Chargup Mitearblet
-Makes the user's tablet battery last for 10hours. (8hrs if gaming)

Eereetate Udderplayers
-Sends a force (usually some non-gamer who is irritating like derek) to disturb fellow opposing gamers.

Aiwunt Darbleyewdarbleyeweffnauw
-Brings an instant entertaining wrestling match right in front of the user.

Endddiskrappy Preasantasionnau
-Brings any boring presentation to an end.

Kipyorice Uff
-Prevent lurking teachers from looking at your tablet.

Geemi Er Tye
-A temporary school tie that lasts for an hour appears on the user's collar

Ayeya Kwitskul
-Causes the user to quit school immediately.

Alright that's it 15 spells just for your use. Keep practising.

[a oner spoke] | 11:28 AM |

Monday, August 15, 2005

WHAT ON EARTH IS IT?!

o well. i noe you'd find this like super random. but what the hell la. go on. c what kim yong has to say.

(click me!)

any idea wat he's talking about? heres one more.

(click me!)

keep guessing. tt's not ms yee btw. seriously. its some anonymous henchman from the Taliban.

[a oner spoke] | 8:28 PM |

Saturday, August 13, 2005

STUFF THAT RUINS OUR TRANQUIL LIVES

1) merchant of venice act scene 3 script
2) geog weathering thingy
3) clinometer

[a oner spoke] | 12:51 PM |

Thursday, August 11, 2005

AUNT TWOGGIE

yes yes aunt twoggie is back! and presenting this month's best letter...
(this letter was actually written in seriously horjiber engrish at first, but for the sake of your reading pleasure, we have edited it and it is now very readable. enjoy. =) )

The original letter:

Deer Auntie Twoogie,

I had a prawblem. This very dengerous prawblem. I tinking long long. You good for salve this prawblem. I is not sure weather me gay nor fedofile. 2? I know I is not rael men dough. sy....

I like boy. I 3 times old more then he. I like, love or adoor him, I not know. <333>

1 day I ate to the italy eating food place and hearing one people called he. i qwicly turning round look look for his body. I see him. Very heppie. =D I took food from auntie and putting me becksite on he. We talk, talk. Many he frends walked round. We can't hugging. Then he tell me he have boyfrend. I sad. Very trejik. =(((

I go out to find him boyfrend. It is NG KIM YONG. kimy ohso mine patner. I very angry, wanting to cut he. But I sacred. I said, no no no cant. Plese helping me.

-Raul al' Mond

The readable letter:

Dear Aunt Twoggie,

I have a really really serious problem. I've pondered for a long time, and I've decided that with your amount of experience and expertise, you'd be the only person who'd be able to solve my problems. Am I A FREAKING GAY OR PAEDOPHILE?!?! OR BOTH?!?! damn. But i'm rather sure i ain't straight though. sigh.....

oh and i have this young guy who's one third of my age i really like. <3333 i'm not sure if it's an infatuation, crush or love at first sight, but yeah I really dig him a lot as he's so freakin h.o.t! I'm not sure how he feels about me though. =( however, I have this hope that he secretly has feelings for me too. =) *blush* I have tried to flirt with him, get close to him, but unfortunately, he has hardly reciprocated at all. =((((( once, i was at this italian eatery, and i heard someone yelling his name. i INSTANTLY turned around and hunted for him with my eagle eyes. and i FOUND him. I was ELATED! =D I immediately snatched the food from the auntie, and rushed to plonk my curvaceous ass next to his. we had a chat, but because there were many of his pestering frens around, we couldn't get erm.... intimate. *blush* i then found out that he was already attached to someone. I WAS SHATTERED AND FELT LIKE DYING JUST THERE JUST SO HE COULD HOLD ME IN HIS MUSCULAR ARMS. =((( I tracked this lover of his down, and found him to be NG KIM YONG, who is also one of my...... hehe.... bed partners. I was VERY VERY angry, and wanted to kill this gangly mass of bones. however, i calmed myself down and decided that the consequences would be too much to bear. And so, I ask for your kind assistance. help me!

-Raul al' Mond

(much better? u better thank us)

Our reply!

Dear Raul,

We certainly sympathise with you. Sometimes, not knowing what your true meaning of existance is a very hard pill to swallow. Aunt Twoggie, due to her experience and expertise, reckons that you are both gay and paedphile. It is not exactly wrong to love someone, though there is certainly something that isn't normal when you love someone so young. However, if you really like him, do not force yourself on him so soon. You should receive some signs on whether he has feelings towards you after some time. Let nature take its course. Be aware that having sex with minors is illegal, so if you do want to have intercourse with this boy, do remember to keep it mum. =P By the way, your horijiber Engrish may be something that you would like to work on?.

- Aunt Twoggie

(however, Aunt Twoggie is indeed the most understanding aunt around, so she foresaw that Raul wouldn't be able to understand that. Therefore she came up with the following reply.)

Deer Raol,

Sorry this prawblem cant salve. F****ing fedofile. F**** off.

- Auntie Twoogie

( Aunt Twoggie rocks. Don't u think so?.)

[a oner spoke] | 6:35 PM |

Sunday, August 07, 2005

HERMIT OF TWONICE ACT 2 SCENE 1
( a twoner's version of Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice")

CHARACTERS in the play

BASTIANO, a hermit of twonice and nephew of Raoul
LEONARDO, his loyal servant and gay associate
RAOUL, heir of Hermit's Gay Bar, chief paedophile
TEELIANO, an attention seeker and socialite who visits the bar often
DARIUNO, a young cleaner in the bar and love interest of Raoul
KING YONG, a waiter in the bar and friend of Dariuno
GWANG STEFANI, chief policeman in Twonice

2.1

Act 2

Scene 1
Bar Lounge

Enter TEELIANO.

TEELIANO:
Wah sibeh tired man.
Come here good lor.
Aircon not bad ah quite strong.
Oi kopikia come come!

Enter KING YONG.

KING YONG:
My humble greetings to you mesieur,
What bringeth you here - lust or wine?
Will wealthy man hath thy usual
Of MacMit's cup o' great-tastin champagne,
Or would he hath a barrel of Motherland's finest juice?
It is heavy on ducats, but worth every slog,
For it is indeed the best wine fine mesieur will ever taste.
Will you take it, no?
It is indeed fine gentleman's loss to misseth on this,
Do not regret and moan if you do not taketh single sip
Of thy heavenly liquid.
It is beyond my means, but within mesieur's,
Do take it.

TEELIANO:
Talk so much cock, diaoz man.
K la i buy la give you face can?
How much la.

KING YONG:
Sorrey sorrey sir.
It costeth a thousand ducats, mesieur,
But worth every sip, yes indeed.

TEELIANO:
K lah k lah.
Gimme one la.
Quick ah I thirsty.
Go go go!

KING YONG makes his way off to get the wine.

Enter BASTIANO and LEONARDO.

BASTIANO:
Feast your eyes, little mongul.
It is indeed Teeliano, whom every noble kinsmen buzz about.
He hath great riches, and overwhelming presence,
Or so they say.
He seeketh attention, nay?
Pardon thou if I have faulted.

LEONARDO:
You are right, my master,
Teeliano, he a socialite, seeketh attention and glory
Wherever he maketh his way.
Why he must be of a certain stature,
To be of such pedigree.

BASTIANO ( to TEELIANO):
Why why why, my fine gentleman,
So it is indeed true to a certain extent,
That ye hath amassed a huge fortune from zeus-knows-where.
However, wealthy and powerful though you are,
I must inform you that there are
Only two things I detest in this world.
One of them, bless gays, is straight men;
The other, attention-seeking socialites.
And so let there be war between us!

TEELIANO:
What you want la chao ah kua.

BASTIANO:
I say again, may you be damned!

TEELIANO:
What the hell is your prob ah.
I also never come and disturb you rite.
Buay song ah.
Sio pa isit?

BASTIANO:
How utterly uncouthed and unrefined.
I will remember you, Teeliano.
Watch ye back.

TEELIANO:
Whatever la.
Siam siam.

Exit BASTIANO and LEONARDO.

Enter KING YONG with a glass of fine wine.

KING YONG:
Presenting the finest wine you'll ever taste!
I'd say it goes best with a batter
Of our specialty dish, The Smoking Sebby Ass,
Served piping hot and on a platter,
You'd think it's one black mass,
But we'd beg to differ,
For it is indeed, the very best,
Even better than a Gandhi Liver.

TEELIANO:
Enough already la.
No need so much.

KING YONG:
Very well then, mesieur.
Enjoy the best wine the land has to offer.

END OF SCENE 1.

[a oner spoke] | 12:09 PM |

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

STRESSED?

well we're halfway thru the common tests, and if u're feeling stressed or pressured, read this.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines stress as "a mentally or emotionally disruptive or disquieting influence." This small, five letter word, that seems to make all us sick and tired gets blamed for just about everything. If you get a headache at work; it's stress. If you blow up at one of your co-workers; it's stress. If you lean on your horn for ten minutes on the commute home; it must be because of stress. As a society, we blame stress on everyone and everything except ourselves and the fact is the only person responsible for your stress is you. Stress is something we create ourselves. The good news is, there are easy and effective ways to control the stress in your life.

A laugh a day will keep stress away

Have a sense of humor. If this means keeping the latest "Far Side" calendar on your desk, then do it. Laugh and then laugh some more. If you can find humor in a bad situation then the situation is on its way to being resolved. Whenever you're faced with a problem or a difficult situation, try to find the cosmic humor in it. Laughter will actually help you distance yourself from the problem and put the situation in perspective.

Live and let live

Contrary to popular belief, you are not the CEO of the universe so stop getting all bent out of shape when someone doesn't do things your way. Think of "their" way as a new and different way to solve the problem. Celebrate his or her differences as just think how bored you would be if everyone did everything the same way. You'd have nothing to complain about by the water fountain.

Be a Good Samaritan

There is no better way to reduce your own stress then by doing something nice for someone else. If you don't have the time to volunteer your services at a local hospital or shelter, then just do something nice for someone at the office. You'll be surprised at how fast your own problems seem to disappear or at least seem a bit less significant. If you are an ace at using graphics programs and the person stuck with doing the company newsletter is not, help them out. It will make them happy and make you feel a lot better.

Reorganization

A little bit of organization goes a long way in the battle to reduce stress. Get up earlier so you're not rushing around to get to the office. Arrange your day so you have an extra ten minutes to get to meetings and other appointments. Make a daily schedule for your work projects and try to stick to it. Delegate tasks. Pace yourself. Leave your ego at home. Talk less and listen more. Clear off your desk at the end of each day so when you come in the next morning, you will have a fresh start.

Just do it!

Exercise is a great stress reducer so try to take time out of your day to do some exercise. This can simply mean taking a 10-minute walk during your lunch hour. And, while you're at it take the time to eat right. It takes just as long to eat food that is bad for you as it does to eat food that will revitalize you.

Be thankful

Try to take a minute out of every day to think of one thing that you are grateful for. You'll be surprised of all the things you'll come up with and how these things will help reduce whatever stress you may be experiencing. And remember, you no longer have to keep up with the Joneses ... They've died of exhaustion!

[a oner spoke] | 5:04 PM |

2 down, 3 more to go

so, here are the 3 subjects.

Science, geog, chinese

Science: Basically everything from energy to refraction, do remember to bring a protractor, a plastic ruler. your calculator and like what Mr Ong said, yourself.

Geography: Basically Rocks to vulcanism.

Chinese: Usual Paper. Don't study.

[a oner spoke] | 11:18 AM |